Five in the afternoon of the 14,990th day of life in this realm, and I just used the Keurig the girls bought for our household last week to make a cup of coffee. It’s rare for me to drink coffee this late in the day but I’m tired and frustrated, and I figured it might perk me up a little before church this evening. I spent yesterday and today running around, toting people places and doing errands and getting nothing accomplished.
I’ve been jogging or walking nearly every morning for the past two months, along with lifting weights and a little yoga sprinkled in to try and loosen everything up. In the past, exercise would make me feel more energetic but on the heels of whatever’s wrong with me circumstances have changed and I just feel exhausted all the time. Most days I want to take a nap, or at least lie down. When I first got sick last November it turned out I had pneumonia and reactivated mononucleosis, on top of the raging asthma. I felt tired then, too. Now I find myself tempted to drink too much coffee or even dip nasty black tobacco, just to keep going. Stupid. I should just go buy some caffeine tablets, crush ’em and snort ’em up my nose.
It’s exasperating because I really want to get back to work. I’ve been throwing a few lines out into the job market just to see what bites. At this point I don’t know how I would return to work feeling the way I feel, but it doesn’t hurt to scope out the scene in case the long-term disability people decide to cancel my benefits or something. I went to the pulmonologist early this month and she seemed pleased with how my lungs sounded; she said she’d order another lung function test in January. I don’t really understand what her long-term treatment plan is: I can only safely take Xolair for two years because it’s got a lot of side effects, including higher risk of certain cancers. Maybe allergy shots are the next step?
I’ve been reading and praying my way through a study book called The Tabernacle of Moses by Kevin J. Conner. It’s a very enlightening and rewarding study of the Tabernacle. It’s weird that I’ve been in church my whole life and am just now getting around to carefully studying the Tabernacle, but recently I sensed it was something the Lord would have me do, so I ordered the book a couple weeks ago. In the introduction the author noted that in the biblical record God spent two of our “chapters” explaining the creation of the habitation of man, and noted how much we work and delight in studying all that pertains to that creation, but God then went into painstaking detail concerning His own dwelling place for 43 consecutive chapters and made subsequent reference to it repeatedly throughout the rest of the Scriptures. And I have basically ignored it my whole life. Conner mentioned that in the introduction too: that the subject is one of the least studied, explored or understood parts of the Word of God. It just goes to show we don’t value things that God has revealed, we don’t emphasize things that God emphasizes. It is blowing my mind on a daily basis and I find myself praising God as I study. His truth is eternal.