The days are passing quickly though I don’t feel I am accomplishing anything, not even getting better. I am sleeping poorly and feel stupefied at almost all hours. I went to bed last night around 12 and woke up at 5. I was awake until 7, then I went back to bed with Sikki. I have been having vivid dreams. I told Jerry yesterday that my waking moments seem surreal, and my dreams are larger than life.
Yesterday he called and asked if I wanted to hang out for awhile. I said sure and I’d be over as soon as I took my medications, which takes at least a half-hour. I think he thought I was joking, but I have so many of these inhalants and nebulizer vapors that it seems like I sit for an hour twice a day breathing funny-tasting medicine, funny tasting medicine that doesn’t seem to be improving my lungs.
Anyway I parked at his place and then we went out to some land he leases from another man in the church. Jerry is talking about growing and maintaining a multi-family garden there this year, as the land is in a sunny spot and shielded from passing cars and prying eyes. Then we went up to the Green Swamp and drove some of the logging roads before it started to rain and we worried about getting stuck back there in the vast, unmarked maze. After that we stopped in Shallotte for lunch and I had a fried green tomato BLT, then we headed back. Had some good conversation about the life of faith, although it was the first day in weeks I had been up and on my feet the whole day and I felt dizzy and wished I could lie down.
Sikki and I went up to Leland last night. I wanted to buy a lamp for the desk in our room. The corner is very dark and I can’t read or write without turning the big overhead light on. I don’t like big bright lights. We ended up hanging around in Walmart for nearly two hours — her checking the clearance racks for boys’ clothes and whatnot — then we went to dinner. It was nice to feel unrushed. I guess I could learn to feel unhurried, if things keep up the way they are, physically speaking.
Today we are supposed to go to Myrtle Beach to get a few necessaries for the kids.
I sat alone, because your hand was upon me, for you had filled me with indignation. Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail? – from Jeremiah 15