December 5, 2014. Friday. 12:30 P.M.
I stopped at home to use the bathroom and get some coffee in the middle of my sales route and decided to update real fast before finishing out my workday.
For the past four weeks I’ve been fasting through the weekdays and just eating dinner & a snack at night. I’ve fasted before but I was in my teens then and didn’t have the sense of urgency I feel at present. I took a break over Thanksgiving weekend, which was last weekend. Joel and his family came to visit and I ate pretty much whatever I wanted during his visit.
I mention a sense of urgency because I have applied three times for a TSM job here in NC — actually reporting out of Conway, SC — and three times I have been passed over in favor of lesser-qualified candidates. The decisions were from the Lord. Several of my coworkers seem surprised and my pride was hurt a little bit but I was also relieved. The last hiring manager, not realizing he was speaking in prophetic terms, said his decision came down to “flipping a coin” between me and another candidate. (Proverbs 16:33.) Our financial need prompted me to apply and put my best foot forward in the interviews, but I told the Lord that taking a 60-hour-a-week job again has no appeal. It’s unacceptable that I should devote all my waking hours to a job, especially one I don’t even believe in. I am not a corporate-minded man. I don’t believe in the products or the frenzied rat-race. But the primary thing is time: to pursue God and family, and even to get enough rest. I know that a management job like I had before would infringe on those things. But I applied and asked the Lord to make His decision.
Closed doors. So I wait expectantly for the open door referred to in the last post. Thank you Father for direction.
A couple weeks ago in church an older woman named Sister Linda gave me a word of prophecy with tears that God wanted me to wait, to be patient with Him and with myself. It was a timely word and a confirmation of everything God has been speaking to me since our arrival in NC. But of course money is a real need — I have the responsibility of mouths to feed.
During my fast, I have been listening to John Wright Follette and Walter Beuttler, both of whom have audio files online. I used to listen to old copies-of-copies-of-copies of their messages on cassette when I was a teenager and just beginning to whet my whistle with the things of God. Beuttler speaks much of “waiting on the Lord.”
So that is what I am doing, or learning to do. I’ve been reading the Word of course, but lately I’ve been especially drawn to Psalm 37. Trust in the Lord, Delight yourself in the Lord, Commit your way to the Lord, Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
Father, keep me as the apple of Your eye. I wait with bated breath to hear what You will say, and see what You will do.
He does not delight in the strength of the horse;
He does not take pleasure in the legs of a man.
The Lord favors those who fear Him,
Those who wait for His lovingkindness.